From the age of about 18 months, they stated showing an interest in books which feature potties, particularly loving ‘I want my potty’. Then they became interested in seeing us go to the toilet. I thought I would buy potties to just have in the house, to get them used to the idea. They were a little bit wary at first but very quickly were sitting all their toys on them and giving them books to read while they were there. I thought perhaps I should try sitting them on without nappies. To my surprise, they both did wees. And they were very pleased with themselves!

I quickly read up on potty training, and realised that the boys were showing signs of being ready- i.e. an interest in toilets, potties etc, nappies starting to be dry for longer periods, understanding and following instructions. So from shortly after their second birthday we started putting them on the potty after their tea. (the books say it takes about 20 minutes after a drink for them to need the potty so that’s a good time to try to catch something). Each time they sat on the potty, they produced something. It wasn’t long before something more solid appeared too! After a few weeks of this, I realised I had to give them more opportunities to get used to the potty. So we started sitting them on it after each meal- and on the whole they were able to produce something each time. I knew that my days of the security of nappies were starting to run out. If I am honest, I was starting to think potty training properly was going to be easy, as the boys seemed to have got the idea of how to use it. Oh how wrong I was! We decided to go cold turkey, one week when we both had some time off work. In anticipation, their Grandma had bought them some ‘big boy’s pants’ which they loved. So on the first day they were very excited to be wearing their big boy’s pants. The nappies came off and I told them that when they needed a ‘wee’ they had to go on the potty. It all started well. I told them to sit on the potty, they sat down, and did a wee. This was great! I wondered why people needed sticker charts and bribes.

However they very quickly cottoned on to the praise they got for producing a wee, so in no time, they were constantly asking to have their pants pulled down, after which they would produce a dribble, which I then had to run up and down stairs to empty. They then realised that it didn’t matter who’s wee it was, they could still get praise- this started a series of battles over the potties, as each tried to claim it was theirs- with the predictable spill on the carpet. They then wanted to try to help me to go up and down the stairs to empty the potty by taking it themselves. This resulted in me having to make some diving saves to stop the contents being spilt over the carpet.

It was only about 9am by this stage (they wake early) and they then got on with their normal playing. Despite me reminding them they needed to use the potty, we had our first wet pants of the day. Never mind, I had read the book, so just got the spray and wipes out and gave it a good clean with no fuss or retributions. They then discovered the joy of giving their little toys a good swim in the potty contents. This was met with a firm ‘no’, so then they tried their hands in it again a firm ‘no’, so the next time I was upstairs emptying one of the potties they produced something in the other one and enjoyed a good paddle with their feet. A short while later the next lot of liquids had worked their way through (oh how tempting it would have been to just give them less to drink!!) and while I was upstairs dealing with the latest potty contents, they managed to produce a fresh load and decided to taste it using the ladles from their toy kitchen.

I walked in to find them feeding each other with the ladles in what looked like some weird kind of ‘Master Chef’ episode. That was day 1…

Day 2 dawned bright and sunny but I knew I had another day of trying not to go stir crazy. They had one of their little friend’s parties to go to. So with a fair amount of trepidation, I packed both potties, 6 pairs of pants, 6 pairs of shorts, some nappies, wipes, cloths and nappy bags in the car. I warned the people whose house we were going to. Fortunately the party was outside so I didn’t have to get anxious about their carpets. I put towels in their car seats and off we went. Amazingly they were fantastic. Each time I reminded them they needed to use the potty they came and performed and then went away again. My confidence started to rise again. The rest of the day, we had several accidents, but on balance it was only 2 or 3 from each child. It just felt like more.

Days 3 and 4 were long ones. We didn’t want to go far from the house. It was Bank Holiday weekend and it felt like the whole country was out having fun and we were stuck at home surrounded by potties and wet pants. So we went to the park.. The travel potty seemed to work well, despite the odd bit of over spill while they were getting used to its smaller size. Although the boys were quite clingy and I was feeling like I would never have the confidence to go far again, in terms of their potty training, it went well.

Buoyed up by some unrealistic confidence we embarked on a trip to the grandparents two weeks later. They didn’t have a single accident the whole weekend. We felt so smug in the car coming home. Two weeks in and we thought we had it cracked. We got the boys home, put them on the potties, and thought that was it. The boys thought otherwise. They had remembered the excitement of the spray and the fuss that goes with cleaning up after an accident, and how they could get mummy to come running. Within a couple of hours of coming back from Devon, they had clocked up 15 wees on the carpet, the toys and anywhere other than in the potties. This kept up for days. They were fine when we were out or doing things, but when they were bored, they would wee anywhere, and shout with glee ‘Oh dear. Wee wee. Hee hee hee.’ They loved being able to produce something whenever and wherever they felt like it and the added bonus of spray and cloths added to their delight.

It was at this point, we thought sticker charts might have a value. They did for a short while, but because they were good at producing something, they would wee on the carpet, and not get a sticker and then dash over to the potty to do something to try to get a sticker. We also decided we had to be firm and tell them ‘no’ when they deliberately weed on toys etc rather than just ignoring it as the books advised. (there is a difference between when they have a genuine accident and when they squeeze something out for fun). This does now seem to be passing and keeping them busy seems to help.

They are back to being reminded regularly rather than just trusting them to take themselves but there is definitely progress. We have now had several long trips out and they have stayed dry the whole time. I still take many pairs of pants with me every time we go out, as it seems to be tempting fate to take any fewer, but hopefully soon I will feel brave enough to reduce it. I have also learnt how to do the supermarket shopping in double quick time, as I still haven’t worked out how I would deal with the cry of ‘potty mummy wee wee’ half way round the shop with a trolley full of food and children.
Little by little we have built our confidence up so although it often feels like more of a faff remembering to take 100 pairs of pants out whenever you set foot outside the house, it is easier in lots of ways too.

No more wrestling with the changing mat, no more ‘nappy changers back’ and our weekly shopping bill has gone down greatly. We know that we are only on step one of the journey so far though and there is no room for complacency!

28th – 30th August: Feel like I live in this kind of twilight zone at the moment. Feel too sick to do anything, so I lie around reading, sleeping and trying to ward off the next wave of sickness. Went for the scan and to see the consultant yesterday… She said there is a 95% chance that we will end up with 2 babies!

1st September: Went over to see J and her family last night…Halfway through the meal I suddenly felt all hot and panicky. I looked at everyone and realised the days of enjoying this kind of evening are now numbered. I suddenly felt scared about how I/we would cope with 2 babies and felt like I was on a big, scary train that I couldn’t stop….Since finding out about the twins I was so worried about whether they will be alright that I never really thought about how I feel or starting to come to terms with the reality of having 2 babies instead of 1. …Everybody says how wonderful and exciting it is and of course on many levels it is. But we both know the reality in the beginning will be about survival rather than wonderment!

11th September – 13th September 15wk: Had scan today. Both doing well…Both swallowing, both lively, placenta okay etc. Told us their sex- they are boys!! Heard back from the Twins Group people- such a nice and encouraging email. Threw up my breakfast.

22nd – 23rd September: Had a bit of a funny turn at tea yesterday. M put me to bed. It soon passed, but I got really upset worrying there might be a problem. Made me realise how much I love these little fellows, even though I worry so much about being good enough to be their mum. M has started talking to the boys. It’s very cute!…in the evening went to the twins club prospective parents group. 2 other couples there. Run by 2 mums of 1 year old twins. Was a really nice evening. Think I was the one with the most fears to voice. The other mums …just seemed so blissed out at the thought of having twins. Did try and joke about it but hope they didn’t think I was dreadful.

8th – 11th October 19wk: Had another scan today. Both doing well again- phew. Feel on a high each time when they are doing well. Both lying like yin and yang at the moment. Can definitely feel them moving now on both sides. M is keeping a bar chart of my growing girth which he has stuck on the fridge door!

25th October 21wks: Scan today. Both jumping around all over the place. They have moved round now so lying flat, head to head. Which explains why I have been feeling so much movement on top and bottom of right hand side and none on left! Work is very busy. Trying to do as much as poss before I finish now. Hope I will be able to take it a bit easier at some point.

21st November 25wks: Spent most of the weekend sorting the rooms out. Am freaking about where we are going to put everything. Put some stuff in the loft but we still don’t have much storage space…picked up the Moses baskets from E’s. That freaked me out too. Makes it feel more real.

27th November 26 wks: Had another scan today and went to the twins group. Both babies are the same size and growing well. They are on the middle of the graph for normal babies, which is great. Each weighing 2lbs…Twins group was good. Reassuring again. Had another couple there who were 18 weeks and was hosted by a nice couple.

12th – 18th December: Babies lovely and lively…I love poking my stomach and feeling them kick back. Mid wife appointment today all fine. Washed all the Moses basket bedding…Had scan and consultant’s appointment…Boys continuing to grow well, both same size and mid range. They looked very cute on the screen…We now have a date!! 4th February

23rd December: Spent ages lying in bed this morning while M was out running, just watching the babies move and singing to them. I never seem to get bored of it. It’s captivating…I love that now they are bigger I can feel and see different parts of them as they move around.

26th December: Christmas Day yesterday. Probably the last peaceful one we’ll have for a while! Babies have been lively and feel they are kind of here with us even though they are safely tucked away in their beach ball! Definitely ready to have future Christmases with children- it felt like something was missing somehow. Even the presents etc don’t get me as excited as being given a bag full of second hand stuff for the babies!! Showed M’s mum all the stuff we have been give. We really have been very lucky. Very much looking forward to meeting the little fellows now. Have started putting bits and pieces in the hospital bag.

28th December: {the family} came up for the day today. It was a really lovely day. But I felt really emotional when they left, as the next time I see them I’ll have 2 babies and will be a mummy!

8th – 13th January: Scan and clinic appointment today. Both growing well…Was injected with steroids to strengthen their lungs in case they come early. Initial injection didn’t hurt, but leg did hurt afterwards. Ironed their little clothes for the hospital bag…Can’t get comfy at all now- wake up around 4-5 times a night for the toilet and then have to try and get comfy again when I go back to bed. Bump just feels sooo big. Babies still moving a fair bit- but not such big movements. I guess they haven’t really got much space. Looking forward to meeting them and wondering what they’ll look like.

1st February 35 + 3: Went for our booking in appointment today. All went okay. Which means we are all set for Monday. Am very nervous but trying to stay calm. I know that I wouldn’t want to go for much longer as I am soo uncomfortable. Bump feels so big and unwieldy. Feel have swollen up something chronic… Babies remain lively in my stomach. Can still see them wriggling and squirming. Everyone has been wishing us well for Monday…

11th February: Our beautiful boys were born last Sunday on February 3rd. It all went a bit unexpected right at the end. I was uncomfortable all day on the Saturday and then woke up in excruciating pain on the Sunday morning. It was really surreal racing through the deserted streets in the small hours. They bleeped our consultant who said that whatever was causing the pain, it was advisable to get the babies out as soon as possible. [It turned out I had a twisted ovarian cyst] M had to rush back home to get the babies bag as we had forgotten it in the panic! I was scared but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I could feel the rummaging and pulling but in no time I heard S cry and then in no time I heard B cry. It was the best sound in the world. They gave S to M to hold and gave me B while they stitched me up. I couldn’t believe how beautiful and perfect he was. I couldn’t see S as clearly but from what I could see he was just as perfect. They were making a mewling, whimpering sound for ages so the nurse from special care came to look at them and took them up to SCBU to heat them up a bit. We were brought down to the ward and then about 9pm our boys came to join us. They had to go back in the hot cot at one point as S’s temperature was fluctuating a bit. Plus the feeding. They are still not demand feeding. So we had to stay in longer than anticipated. But they have made fantastic progress. They are so adorable. I just keep looking at them and wondering how we made such beautiful, perfect babies.

Post Natal Depression (PND) is more of a common condition than you think. It’s very different from the Baby Blues; before the birth of Sophie and Louis I was visited by the Heath Visitors and given all the information about how to spot the signs, helpline numbers and not to be afraid to talk to them if I felt I was suffering PND. I was feeling positive about the birth and didn’t think I’d be affected.

I had a difficult birth experience; it wasn’t what I’d thought it’d be. I was badly bruised from the C-section, and was in hospital for nearly a week after their birth. I honestly didn’t think that looking after these two gorgeous babies would be so hard.

I was lucky in the beginning, as I thad my husband with me to help in the first two weeks; we were doing ok; my midwife was amazing, especially when Louis developed a really bad case of nappy rash, I think she suspected I had PND or baby blues, as she didn’t sign me over to the Health Visitor for two weeks. In the third week my husband went back to work and I
began to question if I was doing things right. When he was home I was distant with him; he was doing all the cleaning, clothes washing, washing up and sterilising of bottles, I’d been told not to do any lifting apart from the babies, and was feeling really useless; I wanted to be able to do everything. After a few days we called my mum to come and help.

Mum stayed to the end of the third week, then my in-laws arrived to see the twins, they stayed for about 10 days; I found myself getting more distant with everyone, and I couldn’t be away from Sophie and Louis; I didn’t stop people having
cuddles or feeding them for me, but I started to take little things back, like sterilising the bottles; I saw this as my escape from all the noise. I was trying to be the perfect mum, housewife, wife and hostess.

To the outside world, everything was fine; I was putting on a show, I was afraid to let anyone know how hard it really was to look after two babies. I wasn’t eating as much and had started to lose weight; within 2 weeks of giving birth I was back
to my pre-pregnancy weight, after another 2 weeks I’d lost a stone; everyone was telling me I looked well, and how amazing I was doing; but I was secretly feeling a mess, and their compliments were falling on deaf ears.

I wasn’t taking care of myself, I felt exhausted all the time, and I just couldn’t relax. I was getting really worried that everything I was doing was wrong, and started to think was a bad mum. I would burst into tears for no reason, but close family told me this was normal because of the huge stress and changes my body had undergone.

By the time the babies were six weeks old, I was at my lowest. My husband was worried about me because I wasn’t eating, I would have a couple of mouthfuls of food and that’s all I could manage, if he tried to encourage me I would be mean to him. He was being as helpful as he could, but in my headhe was being helpful in the wrong way; he could see how tired I was and told me to go to bed and get some rest while he looked after the babies. I went upstairs to bed and just laid there, I couldn’t keep my eyes closed, after about 10 minutes I went downstairs and told him I couldn’t sleep. He told me to go back upstairs, I went back upstairs and 10 minutes later I was downstairs again, I couldn’t leave the twins. I had to be near them all the time.

Unbeknown to me he had called his sister because he was worried about me getting run down and the fact that he felt everything he did was wrong, she said it sounded like I had some symptoms of PND, she had had a baby six months earlier and had been diagnosed with it; she suggested he get the Health Visitor to come and get me to take the Edinburgh Test.
He went to work the next day, and within half an hour of him being at work I was crying down the phone to him; the babies were crying and I couldn’t find out why, I had just fed them, burped them, changed them, and I couldn’t console them, I felt I was the worst mother in the world and just wanted him to be there with me; I felt so alone. I had been at home, within
four walls for nearly four weeks, we’d been out a couple of times but I felt so boxed in. He said he’d try to get home and would call me back after talking to his boss. He called me back after 5 minutes and said that he would be home soon, and that he’d called the Health Visitor to come see me. About half an hour after he came home the Nursery Nurse came, my Health visitor would be along later, but she was here to help with the babies so I could get some rest; again I was back downstairs within 10 minutes of going to bed, I was worried they would take my babies away.

When the Health Visitor came, she got me to do the test. The test is scored out of 30; my result was in the high 20’s, 25 out of 30, I think. She called my doctor straight away and made me an appointment; and she also arranged for the nursery nurse to come out once a week for 3 hours, to take care of the twins whilst I got some sleep or had a bath or both. I saw my doctor the next day, and we talked about treatment, I was given a confidential number to call if I was feeling low, and offered medication if I felt it would help. I decided to take all the help I could get and said yes to the medication. He checked my C-section scar and said I was now ok to drive. He was very supportive, and reassuring. I was to have a check up in four weeks, but if I needed to call him in the mean time, not to hesitate. My husband and I were also referred to a small baby group run by the Health Visitors, to assist in bonding with the twins.

After a few days of taking the medication, I found I was suffering bad side effects, everything I ate tasted like sawdust, so again I wasn’t eating much, I was struggling to get to sleep because I was feeling hungry, every morning I woke up covered in sweat and feeling sick. I called my mum and asked if I could stay with her for a few days with the twins so that my husband could get some rest. I called the doctor and explained the reactions I was experiencing; he decided to change the medication I was taking. In the first few days at my mum’s the reactions were similar but not as severe, I just had to persevere until my body had adjusted.

Things began to get better, very gradually; I took every day as it came. I began attending twins group on a Wednesday, and it was at my first proper Wednesday session that I met two very lovely people, who I am so happy to call friends, it was so nice to talk to other people who knew what you were going through, I made a decision then and there that I would make every effort to go to the Wednesday sessions, I felt it was like my sanctuary, I still do.

The Nursery Nurse came every week for about 2 months, and week by week my confidence was coming back. It took nearly 10 months before I felt ready to come off the medication, the bad days were getting fewer and fewer, some days were worse than others, but it was getting so that the good days were outnumbering the bad.

That’s not to say I don’t still have bad days, I just feel I am better at coping with them. I feel fortunate to have had such support from my Doctor, Health Visitors, Nursery Nurses, family and friends. I’m not ashamed that I had Post Natal Depression, I just happened to be one of the 10% of women that develop it.

I’ve always been keen on camping. From campsites to wild camping, from back gardens to (one time) the middle of a roundabout, I’ve spent many happy nights under canvas. So it never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t take the twins camping. That was before they were born of course.

I had friends with one baby who took them camping in their little tents, and slept alongside them. I knew that wasn’t going to work for us. We were going to have to step it up a gear and buy a family tent. And use travel cots – our two were way too wriggly to sleep alongside. Luckily there was a fairly local tent fair on, where you had the chance of seeing tents when they were up. And even more luckily, it was blowing a storm and hailing on the afternoon I went – giving me a perfect chance to see the tents standing up to some ‘real’ weather.

Tent chosen, time to try it out. The first time was fairly epic. I had forgotten how cold it is in April. And how little central heating a 10 month old baby can produce. We had stupidly hoped to get away with just dressing them in warm layers and putting them into their grobags. We ended up having them all in bed with us, and had to borrow some warm coats to use as extra duvets. Back to the drawing board.

Proper children’s sleeping bags purchased, we went camping again. Temperature was now fine. But it still didn’t stop the fact that both our little ones were not the best sleepers, and would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Sometimes this could be sorted out with some milk and putting them back, but other times, just to spare fellow campers, we had to take one of them out in the pushchair for a 3am stroll.

But despite a few memorable nights for the wrong reasons, I love camping with the twins. When they turned one we even took them over to the Scilly Isles for a fortnight and had a great time. This summer they’ve already clocked up some nights in Cornwall, and we are just planning where to take them next. Whenever it is, we’ll be trying to avoid busy campsites.

They still aren’t the best sleepers. Ah well, maybe next year…

Our twins were born in 2008 and another baby girl followed in 2010, and we’ve lived through some hair-raising travel experiences (the twins coming down with rubella in Tenerife, and a vomiting bug in Ireland for example.) So I’ve been asked to share with you some lessons we have learnt along the way.

The journey – We find being organised helps (or at least feeling you have a semblance of control). In our hand luggage we made sure we had enough bottles of sterilised water and pre-measured formula for at least one extra feed (per twin), just in case of delays, as well as spare clothes, bibs, snacks and toys.

We also had papooses for the girls when they were small, as well as our buggy, as you hand over the buggy as you board the plane and don’t get it back until you have arrived at the oversized baggage area of the airport (and lugging twins plus hand luggage from the plane through passport control is no mean feat).

The days of browsing duty free and whiling away hours in the airport bar have long gone for us, but the upside is you tend to attract loads of positive attention with twins, and airport staff try their hardest to allocate you more than your share of seats on the plane for your mini-party.

Be prepared though – if yours are like ours, your twins will undoubtedly cry on the plane…at the same time…for no apparent reason…and you will probably find it all a bit stressful…but it’s over before you know it. Honest.

Hire car – We usually pre-book a car and have always been able to hire car seats as well. They are often in a fairly grim state, but we find that our stash of muslin cloths is invaluable for this type of thing, as well as providing makeshift protection from the sun in the car’s rear windows. For us, hiring a car is really useful, to do massive supermarket shops and to get to and from the airport – and wherever else – safely. Talking of shopping, we now travel really light and buy nappies, formula, shampoo etc. abroad, as the selection (in Europe at least) is fairly good nowadays.

We usually opt for a villa rather than a hotel, as it means that we can set up a home from home, and make the most of facilities such as a washing machine (so you can survive with just 2 of everything per child – e.g. sleepsuits, tee-shirts, etc.) and microwave. We have always hired travel cots from the holiday company, but we take our own mosquito nets for over the top of the cots/buggy, which have proved to be really useful. Oh, and we boil bottled water for the girls’ milk, and don’t use the tap water in Europe.

We take the minimum amount of toys as there’s always stuff around the villa that you can use to invent games with – a few plastic beakers and a washing up bowl of water can entertain a bored husband for hours.

There tend to be a lot more floor tiles abroad which were treacherous when our twins were (first, learning to sit up and later,) learning to walk, especially round the pool, so I’d recommend you take some grippy shoes for your children – we found wet suit material type booties for the girls when they were first walking which were brilliant, and later they were fine in crocs (these, I have found, are also easy to tip wee out of, as we were potty training the girls on one holiday … but that’s another 12-pairs-of-pants-a-day story).

The long and the short of it is, don’t be put off from travelling abroad with your twins. The journey will probably be a bit of a nightmare, but once you’re there, it’s definitely worth it.

It shocks most people.

This is because he is a tiny, skinny little fellow, in a pristine incubator, with a ventilation tube in his mouth and tape on his cheeks keeping it in place, he has an oxygen saturation monitor on his arm, a canula on his other arm, a tube in his belly button and numerous monitor leads stuck to his tiny chest. He is lying on his side, with his eyes tightly closed in a frown.

Apart from when they were first delivered by C-section, this is how my little man looked for at least the first month of his stay in ICU, NNU. My little girl was different. She started breathing on her own on only the second day and after the first week was just waiting to put on weight and learn to eat without a tube. She could have come home at 3lb, she was that clever!!

When I was told I was expecting twins I was tentatively excited. I knew that a multiple pregnancy carried a much higher risk to the mum and the babies than a normal pregnancy. However, I told myself that as long as I kept myself healthy and didn’t take any unnecessary risks, there wasn’t anything more I could do. I knew there was a chance they could come early so I tried to prepare myself for that.

I was offered various things that expectant multiple pregnancy mums are normally offered – special ante natal sessions and a visit to the Special Care Baby Unit. I turned the visit to the SCBU down. This is because I had seen those pictures – you know the ones, tiny, birdlike creatures with wires and tubes all over them in incubators, looking fragile and alone. I didn’t need to ‘prepare’ myself. Far from it, I knew a visit to the unit would upset me and scare me more than was necessary at the time. And in hindsight, I still would have refused a visit. If your babies begin life there, you will soon know every corner of that place like the back of your hand!

My babies came 10 weeks early, my little girl was 2lb 6oz and my little boy was 2lb 10oz. Luckily, we found out at the 28 week scan that Emily wasn’t receiving enough blood so I was monitored very closely until the day came on 5th October 2009 when the flow started to reverse. This was the trigger the doctors needed to deliver.

Because they had caught it with a bit of breathing time, I had the chance to receive steroid injections. These made sure the babies’ lungs had the best chance of being able to breathe – either with or without assistance – when they came out into our world. These injections probably made the difference between both my babies living or dying.

Let me tell you how I felt when my nightmares came true. When the consultant told me my babies were going to be delivered that day, I stumbled. I lost my breath, my heart stopped. I had prayed and prayed that they would hold on at least for another 2 weeks, but I was being told that they were coming at just 30 weeks.

The tears came quickly, I couldn’t think straight – stupid thoughts went through my head – who will walk the dog tonight? I haven’t built the cots in the nursery yet, I haven’t got an overnight bag packed…..

I was taken to delivery and put on a machine to monitor the babies’ hearts before the operation could take place – someone else was in there having an early baby with problems too. A consultant – who we would get to know very well over the next month or so – came in to explain what was going to happen. My sister turned up and spent time with me listening to him, while Andy got stuff together and helped ask the questions I needed to ask. Like – will they live?

Eventually I was taken to theatre. I sat on the edge of the operating table in my gown and nothing else, awaiting a needle to be inserted into my spine. All I could do was hang my head and cry, screaming inside ‘no, no, no – this shouldn’t be happening to me’. I lay down and once the anaesthetic had done its work, the doctors went to work taking my little ones out of the home they hadn’t spent nearly enough time in. They were taking little Emily out to go somewhere safer – somewhere that would be able to do the job I couldn’t, but Jake was being taken out of the best place in the world for him. How do I explain how guilty I felt for putting them through this?

20 minutes later I heard it. The most moving, amazing, wondrous noise in all the world. My little girl’s cry. I choked. Andy had to sit down – it actually took his breath away.

Very soon afterwards we heard another cry – my little boy.

The nurses confirmed that yes, it was one of each. They were tiny, but not as tiny as some premature babies are. They were wrapped up and shown to me and Andy quickly, before being rushed away to be hooked up to machines that would make sure they received the life giving fluids and oxygen that I would now not be providing for them.

So, you are expecting twins?

Congratulations! My twins are the most amazing, wondrous, miraculous thing to ever happen to me. I can’t even begin to imagine what love was before I had them – I had no idea!

Mel

Thursday 3rd January 2002 37.5 weeks 10.30am I had a bad nights sleep. I have a scan this morning & an antenatal appointment this afternoon. 15.45pm Scan went OK. Twin on the right is still growing very big. They found protein in my wee so had to send it away. Really bad heartburn today & a headache. I’m feeling really tired & vague. My sister Kate who’s pregnant, came with me this morning for the scan. She’s got an antenatal later today. 22.30pm Everything’s okay with Kate & her baby. In-laws came over this evening, had a nice evening. Friday 4th January 2002 37.6 14.00pm Had a reasonable night’s sleep. Mum came over this morning with Charlotte’s birthday presents. I’m very tired again today, no energy for anything. Girls are going to their Dads in an hour so I shall go back to bed then for a while.

Saturday 5th January 2002 38 weeks 10.35am Slept off & on all night. It’s Charlottes 8th birthday today so I hope the twins don’t arrive today. Tummy tightenings are very regular. Going out for lunch with the in-laws today (bad idea?!) 16.54pm Been feeling crap all day, I had a really good cry this morning & I don’t know why, maybe it’s just worry. I’ve got a headache now. James went out on his own as I didn’t feel up to it.

Sunday 6th January 2002 38+1 11.36 am Didn’t get hardly any sleep last night. I woke up with an upset tummy. We’re going to my parents for the day today. James’ parents are coming over to my parents for their tea. Only one more night in my own bed before the babies arrive. 19.50pm We spent a lovely day at my parents house. I think my labour’s started!!!!!!!! Contractions every 5 minutes. Back ache, very swollen feet. I have no heartburn as my tummy seems to have dropped. The girls are staying at my parents house tonight. To top it all I think I’m getting a cold! Monday 7th January 2002 38+2 11.36am No labour! Turned out to be nothing! Had quite a good night’s sleep. Text messages going mad this morning with messages of good luck for tomorrow. The girls have gone back to school today. It’s tough for them as I’ll be in hospital when they get home. They didn’t want to go. I’m having a quiet day today. Off to hospital at 4pm. I’m feeling quite well, no signs today. My cold is worse. 22.45pm I came into hospital at 4pm. I have a private room with no TV, it’s very boring! Went into the day room with James for the evening. Mum & Dad brought the girls into see me. Bethany was very quiet & tired. Anaesthetist came to see me to explain procedures for tomorrow, he was very nice & put my mind at rest. James went at 1pm. I’ve just been given 2 sleeping pills & an ant-acid. I’ve got very swollen feet again. I met a lady earlier in the day room who had given birth 10 days ago to twins (Maz). Karen from twins club had hers last week too, a boy & a girl. Ours will be the 4th set born in the last 2 weeks, all the others are boy/girl.

Tuesday 8th January 2002 38+3 c-section day 06.16am Today’s the day!!!!!!! Sleeping pills didn’t work, I managed about 4 hours sleep in total. I’m a little nervous about today! The worse thing is I can’t drink anything & there’s a bottle of blackcurrant beside me making me want a drink VERY badly! I’m due to be shaved in half an hour!!!! Not looking forward to that bit. Then I’m having the catheter fitted too! Oh what a day! My tummy has been very uncomfortable all night. James will be here at 08.30am & I’m due to be in theatre at 09.00am. I’m surprised that no-one has disturbed me all night. 15.20pm I have 2 girls!!!! Non identical. Lauren weighed 7lb & was born at 09.53am & Rebecca weighed 8lb & was born at 09.54am. Absolutely gorgeous. They look just like their dad. C-section went well, no pain at all, although I didn’t expect to get such violent shakes. I’m very uncomfortable now! Rebecca’s had 2 poos & is a right little character. Lauren has done nothing but sleep! My in-laws have been in already to visit, I’m now waiting for my parents to come in with my 2 older girls, 4 girls!!!!!!! wow! James has been wonderful.

Wednesday 9th January 2002 18.55pm The babies were kept in the nursery last night, James had a word with the staff & asked if they could look after them so that I could sleep! I didn’t sleep at all! It’s so hot in here, even without my 2 hot water bottles that I’ve been carrying round for the last 9 months! The twins had their photos taken this morning & saw a paediatrician, everything is ok with them. Had too many visitors again! None of them are interested in me, they just want to see the babies. I can see that my mum is getting frustrated, she’s decided to take a step back so that James’ mum can do the Grandma bit as they are her 1st grandchildren & they will be going back to Scotland soon. The babies have had a good day, taking 2 oz feeds about every 4 hours. I’m feeling very uncomfortable & in a lot of pain tonight. Very windy! My feet & ankles are so swollen.

Thursday 10th January 2002 11.06am Had a really good night. I fed the babies at 1am & 7am & I slept solidly in between. I’m feeling so much better today, my feet & hands are still swollen. I’m having a nice relaxing day & getting to know my babies. I feel ready to now, so far I’ve kept my distance cause I’ve felt too ill. Friday 11th January 2002 03.15am I had a good day yesterday, not too much pain until the evening, then I had very bad trapped wind & pain again. I had loads of visitors again, I’m finding that so tiring. Having a bad night with Lauren at the moment. They were both fed at 2am & Lauren will not sleep now. Rebecca has been as good as gold but Lauren is wide awake & very sicky. I just want her to go to sleep so that I can! It’s very busy in here tonight, lots of babies are being born. James was shown how to bath the babies yesterday evening. I can’t wait to go home, I really miss James & the girls. 14.20pm Had to get the babies taken away at 4am as Lauren wouldn’t settle, they came back at 7am ready to feed. Rebecca is being a pickle now, she’s fed & changed but still unhappy! Oh the joy of twins! Evening Had lots of visitors AGAIN, why can’t they leave me in peace! Hard time with Rebecca this afternoon. James arrived at 3pm, just in time to help! Pains not too bad today, I’m hoping to go home tomorrow.

Saturday 12th January 2002 12.23am Just fed Lauren, Rebecca is sleeping. Fingers crossed that Lauren will go to sleep soon! Later that day went home!!!!! Dad came in with the video camera. My in-laws came in too. My mum was at home when we arrived. Soon after loads of others arrived too!! It all got too much for me so I went to bed for a few hours. Babies fed at 10pm & went to bed. They slept till 2.30 when Lauren woke up. I woke Rebecca up too & they had a feed. They went back into their cot together & slept quite well then till 5.30 am when Rebecca woke up. I got up & saw to her while James & Lauren slept. Lauren woke at 7am.

Sunday 13th January 2002 09.05am I’ve just had a bath, it was lovely, I can float again & wash my feet! I’m waiting for the midwife to call now. Later Had a quiet day, the babies slept for most of it. My feet are less swollen now, although I’m in a bit of pain again.

Monday 14th January 2002 09.19am The babies went to bed at 12 last night. Lauren woke at 4am so we woke Rebecca & fed them. Lauren would not settle so I didn’t get any sleep after 3.45am. This morning was mad getting the older 2 off to school, although they were very good & helpful. Later Midwife came this morning. The twins are both slightly jaundiced, we have to feed them every 3 hours too as Rebecca hasn’t started to gain weight yet. I felt awful today. I have a bit of pain when I wee today & I’m very sore.

Tuesday 15th January 2002 I went with James this morning to take the girls to school. I had 7 hours sleep 10.30 – 11.05, 12 – 4.30 & 6 – 7.30, not bad. Went into town this afternoon with the babies. Wednesday 16th January 2002 Had a good night, went to bed at 10pm, woke twins up at 1am & again at 5am. I went back to bed at 6am & James got up at 7.30am to see to the older 2. Charlotte played up this morning, she wanted to stay at home. Went shopping with the twins today. Midwife weighed the babies Lauren is 6lb 12oz Rebecca is 7lb 10oz. We went into the school with the twins today, it was mad, they proved very popular. I’m feeling crap this evening, I haven’t had a poo for 8-9 days!!!

Thursday 17th January 2002 Had a reasonable night. James & I are getting up separately to see to the babies in the night so we get more sleep. I’m feeling a lot better today, I had a poo this morning!!! I now have impetigo at the tops of my legs & on my hands. Went to Matalan this afternoon. I tried on trousers size 18, too small! I now weigh 12.5 stone, that’s 2.5 stone lost! Bethany is behaving badly, constantly picking on Charlotte.

Friday 18th Jan 2002 Not too bad a night. I woke up at 12.30 (went to bed at 9.30), helped James settle Lauren then I got up again between 1.30 & 2.30 to feed them. Got woken again at 5.45 by Rebecca. Beth is playing up again!

Saturday 19th Jan 2002 Twins due date! Went out to the pub I work at for our lunch, it was lovely. Went round to my parents & left the babies with my mum for half an hour while we went to the shops. Bethany staying at mums tonight.

Sunday 20th Jan 2002 Managed 6 hours sleep, got up at 1.30 & 5.30. James’ parents are going home today. I shall be glad to get into a routine of my own

Monday 21st Jan 2002 Went to bed at 8.30pm was up again at 10pm till 12.30am, then slept till 5am, back in bed by 6am for 30mins. James went back to work today. I fed the twins & put them back to bed, I also went to bed for 2 hours. Mum picked the girls up from school today. I’m off to bed at 8.30 tonight. My tummy is going down now, its still a bit uncomfortable & I’m still constipated. Impetigo is better now.

Wednesday 23rd Jan 2002 Went shopping this morning, its getting easier now. Woke up with a cold! That’s all I need! Rebecca slept from 1am till 7am last night. Lauren woke at 2.30, 2 hours after her last feed. James had a hard time with them last night.

Friday 25th Jan 2002 Cold still bad. Twins are staying overnight with my parents tonight! So we can sleep! It seems really strange without them, I don’t think I’ll get much sleep for worrying about them! Just had a Chinese take away. That’s your lot The End!!!

I read all the books. And I mean ALL the books. They said that the average twin is smaller than the average singleton baby. And they said that babies of vegan mothers tend to be smaller than babies of non-vegan mothers (they didn’t say why). So as a vegan carrying twins I was worried. I decided that my mission for the next few months was to grow babies. Big babies. And I decided that the only way I could do this was to rest and eat. And nothing else. So that’s what I did. I stopped work when I still had over 3 months to go, and I sat with my feet up and ate well-planned, nutritious meals. Planned by me, but not cooked by me. Well, all that standing in the kitchen wouldn’t help to grow big babies, would it? And what can you do sat down with your feet up? Well, there was the World Cup… Or I could read. Which is what I did. I read all the parenting books. The medical ones, the humorous ones, the serious ones, the worrying ones. All of them. So I knew what to expect. I knew exactly what to expect. I knew all about labour. I knew exactly what to pack in my hospital bag (so if it’s twins should I pack double the number of blankets?) I knew how many vests I needed to buy. Everything. And then the big day came, and the babies were born, and then we came home. And then I realised. I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’d read the books, I’d even done the classes. But they all stopped at birth. What next? I now had two wonderful, adorable babies (the books had missed that bit too, just how beautiful they would be), and I didn’t know the first thing about what to do next. Was it missing from the books, or had I just stopped reading when I got to D-Day? I got out the books, and started re-reading. The problem was that for 9 months, more or less, I had been reading about the “babies”, or, in most cases, the “baby”. But I hadn’t given birth to any old babies. I had given birth to my own two amazing babies, with their own unique, faces, cries, and most definitely, their own personalities. Nowhere in the books did it tell me what that particular cry of Ellie’s meant, or that odd little glance of Isaac’s. The midwife couldn’t tell me, the Health Visitor couldn’t tell me. Because no-one was an expert at understanding my own two unique little children.

Yet.

But they would be soon. I would be soon.

I threw aside the books. This was where the learning would really begin.

And what would I say to anyone setting out on this same journey? Read books, lots of books. Thrillers, Romances, Biographies, anything. Why? Because you wont have another chance for a while, and nothing can prepare you for twins, not even if you read all the books. Take it from one who really HAS read all the books!

I became pregnant with twins after my 3 rd IVF attempt. I had no problem with the pregnancy other then getting bigger and bigger. I put on 5 stone. I left work due to my size, 16 weeks before EDC. I also had problems with sleeping.

I was told by my consultant that I would be induced at 38 weeks. At 38 weeks and several scans later the babies had not arrived and I was admitted.

I went into hospital in the Friday morning and spent most of Friday connected to two separate machines. Later that afternoon I was given some pessaries to start things rolling. Nothing happened, so a few hours later I was given some more.

On Saturday morning I was given another lot, my contractions began and I was taken to the labour ward. By midnight all the pain had stopped.

On Sunday the labour ward was busy so I went back to the main ward and waited.

On Monday at 5.00 am I was taken back to the labour ward to have my waters broken. Two hours later I was given a strong drug to get labour underway.

By 3am Tuesday morning still nothing, and I had only dilated 3cms, so it was decided that a caesarean was the only option. I was taken to the theatre, but when the staff tried to give me an epidural it didn’t work. Their attempts caused a em/ic pain in my left leg, which was like an electric shock. I was unable to bend over sufficiently due to my size. After 3 attempts I was given a general anaesthetic. Tom and George were born at 3.30am weighing 7lb 5oz and 6lb 15 ½ oz. I was woken as soon as possible and I held both babies’ heads even though I was unable to open my eyes. After a few hours I was woken properly and both the boys and my husband were there. I was taken back to the ward with the boys.

The staff were excellent during my stay in hospital and helped as much as they could. I recovered well but felt weak for several weeks. It took several months to regain my sense of gravity. The effect of the epidural had left a weakness in my left leg and I still suffer pain from time to time.

Tom and George were born on the 11th April 2002. I breastfed Tom for 5 weeks and George for 6 months.